Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Winter Break Narrative

Desiree Maldonado
Mrs. Boresen
Expository Writing
Winter Break Narrative
January 13, 2009

One of His Best Pranks

As I look at all the pranks my cousin and I usually pull, I realized that after what he had pulled this year was going cause me to step up my game and get him back ten times better. This year during the winter break, on Christmas day, my cousin, David, got me some lotto tickets. Unfortunately one of them wasn’t your ordinary ticket and I was about to find that out after everyone had gotten their gifts.

It all started that Christmas day. My family did the usual thing, eating and talking and then it was time for the presents. My cousin, looking very innocent, handed me my gift and I gave him his. He opened his and then waited for me to open mine. It was ten dollars worth of lotto tickets and some candy. I wasn’t really expecting him to do anything mischievous since we said that we weren’t going to pull anything that day. (Man was I dumb for thinking he was really going to follow through with this!)

Everyone had finished opening their gifts and David told me I should scratch my tickets and that if I won anything he would take me to get what I won. Now I was a little nervous because I knew that he was up to something. I scratched the first ticket and won nothing. Then I scratched the next one, again nothing was won. I came to the third one and scratched the numbers one by one. $20, $2, $40. Wow that row wasn’t very good! Then I scratched the first number in the next/last row, it was $10,000 and I was like, well this is going to be another losing ticket. Then the next number was $10,000. At this point I was like there is no way this is a winning ticket worth that much! I scratched the last number slowly so it would show the number by little parts, as I scratched it $-1-0-,-0-0-0. OH MY GOSH!!! I WON!!! I was jumping and screaming with much excitement because I had just won $10,000. (Or so I thought.)

I showed David and my family my ticket and they were just as happy as I was. They couldn’t believe I had won so much. Then my cousin Kimberly said well you should read the back of it so you know what you have to do, or where you have to go to get your winning money. I read it and it read:

“Prizes of $1, $2, $4, $8, $20, $40 and $100 may be redeemed, subject to validation, by any retailer at a claim center or by mail using claim form.
$5,000 and $10,000 prizes may be claimed at Ya Mama’s House! Or by mail using a claim form supplied by the tooth fairy. Please sign and mail your winning ticket and claim form to Santa Clause, P.O. Box 777, North Pole.
All prizes must be claimed no later than 30 seconds after scratching the game card. All winners are subject to people laughing at you. Valid only in your dreams.”

I looked at David, who had a video camera in his hands and told me he got the whole thing on film. The whole thing was a joke. He laughed and said, “Ha-ha I got you big time! There is no way you can get me back now!” I looked with a big grin and said, “Oh yeah?! Watch me!” Then my family ate desert, finished visiting and went back home after saying their goodbyes. I finished scratching the remanding tickets which ended up being loser ones too. That was honestly a really good prank he pulled, but I will get him back! Also, it was the probably the highlight of my break because it was really funny yet embarrassing at the same time. From now on, December 25th, 2008, will be a day I will never forget because it was one of David’s best pranks.

4 comments:

  1. Your essay was funny and had a strong voice. You have a natural talent for writing like you're just telling a story to your best friend. I want you to remeber that your voice is strong with topics you are interested in. Please remember this when you are picking other essay topics. I am still noticing that you are having sme issues with sentence variety amd word choice. Overall, you did a good job.
    Audience and Purpose: 3.6
    Format: 4
    total 47/50 94%

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  2. I really liked your story line, it was very entertaining. I also enjoyed how you put dialogue in it. One thing you could improve on is more variety in word choice. Overall great job.

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  3. The first thing that really stood out was your voice in the essay. I believe that you got the reader interested through your voice. I also think that it never really got repetative. I will have to agree with the other person by saying that you do need a little more variety in your word choice. Good job.

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  4. I related to your experience because my family played the same prank on someone we know and it was funny.I liked your story because it was funny and it caught my attention.You did a good job with your writing by making it flow and staying on topic. I noticed that your word choice could have been a little better. Overall, you did a great job! I liked it:)

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